all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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