I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
