I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
