I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
