I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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