omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
