I just saw a hot homeless man
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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