Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
