next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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