Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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