she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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