I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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