I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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