Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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