well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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