uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
