I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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