one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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