I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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