I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
