he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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