Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
