we have officially lost it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
