she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
