you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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