I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
