I smell stomach acid.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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