I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You pole danced in your parka.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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