It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize