I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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