bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
