Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
