fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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