So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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