I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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