wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
