I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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