i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
