yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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