im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
