tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
