i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
