i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil