the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.