i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.