I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
babies were throwing up all over the place
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off