I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So many bounce houses so little time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?