onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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