i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
