dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you will always have a special place in my vag
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
