my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
