On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize