I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
