so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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