If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
