i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
