Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!