I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize