Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize