He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
