I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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