We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I smell like Dick and happiness
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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