I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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