They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
