Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
