i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
