Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
