Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
