He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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