is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
