Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
