i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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