I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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