The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
