Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
