Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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