the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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