theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
