Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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