How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
