he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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