He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
