All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
