Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
