3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
