So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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